Snape's Super Secret
by Red The Animator
Summary: Snape has a secret. Harry and Ron want to find out what it is, but will they be able to handle the truth? And more importantly, will they be able to convince Hermione that it's true?
1. Suspitious

Snape's Super Secret

By R.E.D. the Animator and Double A

Chapter one

Suspicious

Harry Potter sat in potions class, trying his hardest to cram in the last few ingredients to his Wolfsbane potion before the time ran out. He was, at the moment smashing a rather large beetle into a lumpy powder. Snape walked by and sneered at Harry's potion.

"Eww. Didn't I instruct you to stir your potion ten times clockwise before adding powdered beetle?"

"Umm... well-"

"Ten points from Gryffindor."

"What?!"

"Would you like me to take twenty points instead?"

"No."

"No what?"

"No Professor... sir."

"Better."

Snape walked around the room again, sneering at all the Gryffindors, until he stopped at the table of a Hufflepuff student.

"Stay after class," whispered Snape the student. Harry happened to overhear it.

Snape stood up and walked away just as the bell rang.

"Do we have a bell?" asked Ron.

"Of course we do." said Hermione as she set her perfect potion on Snape's desk.

Harry nudged his caldron and caused it to spill all over the floor. He stayed behind to clean it up and listen to Snape. Snape then approached the Hufflepuff who had also stayed behind.

"I've noticed that you have a gift," whispered Snape to the student. Harry hid behind his desk, listening intently.

"What do you mean?" asked the student puzzledly.

"Do you remember what you were talking about at breakfast?"

"Yes."

"I have a private class for other students with your particular gift. You should attend. It's at my office, at 9:00 tonight. I'll give you permission to be out of bed."

The Hufflepuff looked around."Okay. But if I don't like it, I won't go again."

"Don't worry." said Snape in a sly voice. "You won't be disappointed."

Both Snape and the Hufflepuff walked away. Harry slipped out unnoticed. He needed to tell Ron and Hermione about this.

* * *

"Guys, Snape is up to something," said Harry at lunch.

"Snape is _always _up to something!" said Ron. "Be more specific."

"Yeah Harry." said Hermione. "What's he up to this time?"

"He approached a Hufflepuff student and invited him to some kind of class."

"Maybe it's an advanced potions class," said Hermione.

"No." said Harry. "Because his potion was worse than Ron's."

"Hey!" cried Ron.

"I'm sorry but it's true," said Hermione. "You are bad at potions."

"Snape kept saying that he had, _The Gift_," said Harry.

"Maybe it's a dark magic class," said Ron.

"Why would Snape be inviting Hufflepuffs to a dark magic class." asked Hermione. "I mean, Hufflepuff wasn't known for her dark sorcery."

"One thing is for sure." said Harry.

"What?" asked Ron.

"I'm going to find out what this class is."

* * *

Later, Ron and Harry quietly crept through the halls under the invisibility cloak (which was quite difficult because Hermione had accidentally washed it with the colds, causing it to shrink). They had arrived at Snape's office and slipped in behind another student.

The sight that lay before them made Harry gasp in surprise, and Ron cry.

"Hello everybody!" said Snape in a jolly voice.


	2. Tripple Chocolate Cake

Chapter Two

Triple Chocolate Cake

"Welcome to this week's cooking class." said Snape in a voice so cheerful, that Harry almost mistook him for Dumbledore. "Last week we made a pasta salad with an Italian dressing. This week we will be making a triple chocolate cake."

The room was filled with students, (mostly Hufflepuffs, some Ravenclaws, two or three Gryffindors, and only one Slytherin, Malfoy) Snape was standing at the front of the room wearing an apron with "Charm The Chef" printed on the front, along with a white, puffy, chef's hat. The room was set up just like a potions class except that instead of the usual gross ingredients, there were now some very normal ingredients that you might find in Aunt Petunia's kitchen.

Harry was so amazed by the scene before him that he had completely forgotten that Ron was still crying. "What is it?" whispered Harry.

"They're making chocolate cake. I _love _chocolate cake. My mum use to make the best chocolate cake, but she had to stop after the... well... you know."

"Um, I don't know."

"Oh, well I don't like to talk about it."

"Now, when making the cake, you want to pay extra-" Snape began

"Ooh, look at me, I'm a great cookie wizard." Malfoy mumbled

"Was there something you wanted to add Mr. Malfoy?" Snape asked coldly.

"No, except I have no idea why I'm here."

"Believe me, if I had my way you would not be here. Your father seemed to think that you needed to learn how to cook. Though how he thinks that someone who can blow-up ice-cream, could ever learn to cook is beyond me."

Malfoy mumbled something that sounded like "_that was an accident_". Snape ignored him and returned to his desk.

"Now students, your cake should look like this." Snape held up a bowl on his desk for the rest of the class to see. "Except for Malfoy, who can't cook to save his life."

"When is good cooking _ever _going to save my life?" demanded Malfoy.

"I'll have you know," began Snape. "that when I first became a Death Eater, I was quite useless to the Dark Lord. It was to the point that he almost decided to dispose of me. But when he tasted my Mexican Omelet..." Snape broke off in a state of thought.

"It's not like _I'm _useless," said Malfoy.

"Trust me. You couldn't even kill _Dumbledore_."

"What are you even talking about?" asked Malfoy.

"Oh wait, that hasn't happened yet."

Everyone stared at Snape.

"Continuing" said Snape.

Harry, who was looking around the room again, started to recognize some of the students. There was Luna Lovegood, Hannah Abbot, Pavarti and Padma Patil, Lavender Brown, Neville, Colin, and oobles of Hufflepuffs, and one really tall student with half moon spectacles, and long white beard, who looked almost like-

"Professor Dumbledore," said Snape. "we are trying to stir the cake, not kill it."

"Quite right Severus," said Dumbledore whose cake was on fire. "Umm, _Aguamenti!" _

A steady stream of water shot out of Dumbledore's wand and put out the cake fire. Dumbledore sat and looked at the now soggy cake mix.

"Is the cake supposed to be this soggy?" Dumbledore asked

"No," Snape said.

"Don't worry! I'll fix it!" Dumbledore then proceeded to light the cake on fire again.


	3. You Have Got to be Joking

Chapter Three

You Have Got to be Joking

"And then," finished Harry. "Malfoy's caldron exploded."

Harry Ron and Hermione were sitting at the Gryffindor table while eating breakfast. Ron and Harry hadn't been able to fall asleep last night because of the things that they had discovered.

"That has got to be the stupidest story that you've ever told me," shouted Hermione. "That even beats the story where Voldemort burned down Hagrid's cabin."

"We aren't lying!" cried Ron.

"Well I'll admit that the part about Malfoy seems correct. Even the part about Dumbledore could perhaps in the most extreme circumstances, but _Snape_?"

"I know it sounds odd Hermione," said Harry. "but we can't deny what we saw."

"Yeah," said Ron. "Just ask Nevilllllllllll..." Ron dozed off.

"Perhaps you and Ron just shared a dream," said Hermione.

Ron sat up. "Hermione, how could Harry and I both have the same dreeeeemmmmm..." Ron dozed off again.

"Actually," began Hermione. "there have been many incidents of more than one wizard sharing the same dream. Why if you just look in _History of Magic_-"

Harry dozed off.

* * *

Later that day, at the big Gryffindor vs. Slytherin Quidditch match, Harry and Ron had still not succeeded in convincing Hermione about Snape. The score was 90 to 20, Gryffindor was in the lead. Hermione was sitting next to Ginny in the stands.

"I mean, the entire story sounds totally insane!" shouted Hermione.

"I know," replied Ginny. "I mean, why would anyone need a cooking class? It's so easy! Mum was going to teach me how to make chocolate cake, but then there was the... umm... I don't like to talk about it. Anyways, I can cook."

"That's not the point! The way that they described Snape, it's almost like he was Dumbledore."

"That's exactly what I thought when I saw him." said Ron. "I have never seen him so happy beforrrrrrr..." Ron fell asleep on his broom, letting five Slytherin goals in before Harry flew up to him.

"Ron you need to pay attentionnnnnnn..." Harry fell asleep too.

Luckily for Harry, Malfoy was also just as sleepy. In fact he was _so _sleepy, that when the snitch flew up to him he just said, "Ha, ha. The snitch."

Harry woke up. "What did you say?"

"Look Harry," said Malfoy in a goofy voice as the snitch orbited him. "It likes me."

"Oh that's so funny!" said Harry. He stretched out his arm. "Look it likes me too."

"Back off Harry! It likes me better."

"My snitch!" said Harry as he grabbed it out of the air.

"Gryffindor wins!" cried Lee Jordan.

Ron woke up. "Yeah! I always knew you could do it Malfoy!"

Hermione slapped her forehead.


	4. Surprises

Chapter Four

Surprises

Next week, Harry Ron and Hermione quietly walked over to Snape's office under the invisibility cloak. (Hermione enlarged it so that they could all fit) The stopped at the entrance and waited for a student to come along and open the door.

"I still don't think that Snape would wear a white apron," said Hermione.

"Don't forget about the poofy chefs hat." said Ron who was wide-awake.

"You think that you're so smart." began Hermione. "You think that I will chicken out and not go into Snape's office, but guess what? I won't, and then you both will look like idiots."

"Just you wait Hermione," said Harry. "Soon _you _will look like an idiot!"

Snape came from around the corner and entered. The trio followed him in.

The room was completely dark except for a few rays of moonlight entering through the barred windows. Other than Snape, the room was deserted.

"Ha!" whispered Hermione. "_Now _who looks like the idiot?"

While Snape was bending down to get something, Hermione quietly slipped out the door and left Harry and Ron sitting under the cloak.

"Well where are they?" asked Harry.

"Is there something we missed?" asked Ron.

The door opened again and Dumbledore entered. No sooner had he closed the door, then the lights turned on and the whole cooking class jumped out and shouted, "Happy birthday Dumbledore!"

"Wow!" said Dumbledore. "I completely forgot that it was my birthday."

The whole class began singing, "For he is a jolly good fellow." While they were singing, Snape pulled out a huge cake that had one hundred and fifty-five candles on it.

"Make a wish!" said Neville.

Dumbledore thought. "I know! I'll wish for-"

"Don't say it out loud!" cried Snape. "Because then it won't come true."

"Good thinking Snape." said Dumbledore as he took a deep breath.

Not only did Dumbledore blow out all of the candles, but he also blew so hard that the flame jumped onto Malfoy who caught on fire and ran out of the room screaming.

Dumbledore laughed. "Wishes _do _come true!"

"And then when it was all over, we had managed to smuggle some cake out." said Harry the next morning.

"It was the awesomest party ever!" said Ron. "They had a piñata Hermione. A _piñata_!"

"It _does _seem quite convenient that the party should start right after I leave." said Hermione.

"If only you had stayed a little longer Hermione," said Harry.

"You said that you smuggled cake out?"

"Yeah." said Ron.

"Then where is it?"

"We ate it on our way back to Gryffindor tower." said Harry.

"Aha!" cried Hermione. "You don't have any proof! I bet that you just waited a few minutes longer and then followed me back. Besides, wouldn't you be sleepy had you stayed at Snape's office for hours?"

"We took some sleeping pills," said Ron.

"Those are supposed to make you sleepy," said Hermione.

Harry and Ron fell asleep in their breakfast.


	5. Chicken Pie For the Wizard's Soul

Chapter Five

Chicken Pie for the Wizard Soul

Over the next week Harry and Ron made plans for the next cooking class, they had even gotten Hermione to come along again.

"I still have no idea why you keep this whole cooking class thing up!" she said the day before the class. "I mean, we've already proved it doesn't exist-"

"Hermione we told you, it was a _surprise_ party, they were hiding!" Ron said, "What do you think you're suppose to do at a surprise party? Sit in plain sight with the lights on screaming 'Oi, there's a surprise party down here, come get some cake!'"

Harry laughed "Gosh Hermione! I won't ask for your help when I do Ron's surprise birthday party."

"What?" asked Ron.

"That's not the point!" Hermione cried

"That should be your catch phrase Hermione, 'That's not the point!'" said Harry.

"What are you planning for tomorrow anyways?" she asked.

"Wouldn't you like to know." said Ron.

"That's why I asked."

"Can't tell you, top secret, Hogwarts business." said Harry

Ron giggled. "Poor Malfoy."

* * *

"Ooh! A hard boiled egg!" said Snape the next day at cooking class.

"Do you like it?" asked Malfoy.

"Did you make this on your own?"

"Yeah."

"Are you sure that Crabbe and Goyle didn't help you?"

"Yes, I'm quite sure!" said Malfoy in an offended tone of voice.

"What if I told you, that I have a picture of Crabbe and Goyle helping you make this?"

"Lies!" cried Malfoy.

Harry Ron and Hermione were sitting at the back of the room under the invisibility cloak. Hermione had her mouth open and a look of dumbfoundedness on her face. To put it differently, _she _was now the one looking like an idiot.

"Ha! Told you," said Ron.

"Bu-bu-but how is this possible?" gaped Hermione.

"Easy." said Harry. "Snape is a good cook, and he likes teaching it."

"But that doesn't explain why he is so... _jolly_!"

Snape approached the magic oven. (Yes they have a magic oven, and yes it's just like the one that the Kebbler elves have) "This is what your chicken pie should look like when you finish it. I prepared this earlier. If you work hard, all of you, except for mister Malfoy, should have something just like this."

"Now Harry." said Ron.

Harry waved his wand, and the chicken pie exploded in Snape's face. Snape stood motionless for several seconds.

"Mister Malfoy?" said Snape, who was trying to control his anger.

"It was an accident! I didn't mean to do it! I didn't even _know _that I did it," said Malfoy.

Snape wiped the spattered pie off his face. "Do you know what the punishment for ruining a cooking class is?"

Malfoy shuddered. "Can't you just expel me from the cooking class?"

"No." said Snape. "As much as I'd _like to_, that would be to merciful on you. Plus, Lucius would eat me alive."

"Now Ron!" said Harry.

Ron waved his wand, and unbeknownst to the rest of the class, the Potions cabinet door opened, potions began flying out and pouring themselves into various students' caldrons.

"Now Malfoy, go sit in the rickety chair at the back of the room." said Snape in an acid voice. "I'll deal with you after class."

"Time to move." said Ron as he Harry and Hermione stood up from the rickety chair and backed off as Malfoy sat down.

The trio, then walked to the front of the classroom, where they saw a certain student that looked familiar.

"Ginny?" gasped Hermione.

Ginny was startled and accidentally flipped her bowl upside down.

"Is there a problem Ginny?" asked Snape.

"No, no." said Ginny. "I just thought I heard something. That's all."

"Hey Ginny, It's us." whispered Harry.

"Don't talk to her, she'll tell on us." said Ron.

"No she won't" said Hermione. "She's cool."

Meanwhile Ginny was staring at a blank patch of air that was talking to itself.

"Hi Ginny." said Hermione.

"I come in peace. Welcome to earth, I'm a human, also a witch." said Ginny.

"No, no. Ginny it's us." said Ron.

Ginny stared.

"Under the invisibility cloak."

"Oh!" said Ginny as she finally realized who it was. "What are you doing here?!"

"Likewise," said Hermione.

"Neville overheard me talking to you about how I can cook, so he referred me to Snape."

"And you didn't tell me this?" asked Hermione in shock.

"You wouldn't have believed me anyways," said Ginny.

Harry looked at his watch. "Three, two, one..."

Suddenly all the caldrons, filled with uncooked chicken pie, exploded at once.

Snape wiped a thick layer of raw chicken off his face. "Mr. Malfoy!"

"Okay, there is _no _way that I could have done this," said Malfoy who was clearly desperate.

"Really. Then why is your caldron the only one that didn't explode?"

"Some one is against me. I swear!"

"There will be no swearing in this class Mr. Malfoy. I never thought that I would say this... Ten points from Slytherin."

"Only ten?" asked Ron.

Snape looked over at where the voice had come from. Harry and Ron were now laughing out loud.

"Umm guys." said Hermione. "I think he's on to us."

Harry stopped laughing. "Time to make a quick exit."

Harry spun on the spot and said, "Crack!" Now the whole class was looking towards their direction.

"Okay Harry," said Hermione. "there are three problems with what you are trying to do. First, you can't Apparate. Second, you can't Apparate at Hogwarts, and third, YOU CAN'T APPARATE!!!"

"I suggest we run!" said Ron.

The trio ran for the exit, but it was only too easy for Snape to follow them because the invisibility cloak had raw chicken splattered all over it.


	6. Caught

Chapter Six

Caught

Snape dragged Harry and Ron into Dumbledore's office by their ears. Hermione and Dumbledore followed behind.

"And I am very disappointed in you three!" said Dumbledore as they all got seated. "I thought you were better than this! Fifty point from Gryffindor!"

"Headmaster, surly now you will believe me when I say, these three are the most mischievous trouble makers in the whole school, next to the Weasley twins of course." Snape said, "I hope you are going to punish them severely."

"Please Professor," said Hermione. "It was all Harry and Ron's idea. I didn't have anything to do with it."

"Hey!" said Ron.

"Don't you worry Severus, I'll handle them. Would you mail this letter for me?"

"Yes of course." said Snape as he walked off.

Dumbledore waited until Snape had left the office before he talked again. "That was _great _kids! One hundred points to Gryffindor!"

"What?" asked Harry. "You're not mad at us?"

"Mad at you? I haven't laughed so hard since... my last birthday."

"Oh yeah." said Ron. "That was awesome!"

"Yes." said Dumbledore. "My favorite part was the piñata."

"But Professor," began Hermione. "They broke the rules!"

"Oh please. What do you think I am? Some stuck up old guy? That's Snape's job."

"Speaking of Snape," said Harry. "What is up with that cooking class?!"

"Oh that's just something that Snape does as a side job," said Dumbledore.

"So Snape gets paid to teach cooking class?" asked Hermione.

"Nope, he says the joy of teaching his passion to other students is pay enough. Plus fifty Galleons a year."

"So are you going to punish us?" asked Ron.

"Actually, I will." said Dumbledore. "First I'll take away Harry's deluxe broom grooming kit, and then Ron's Firebolt."

"But I don't have a deluxe grooming kit." said Harry.

"And I don't have a Firebolt." said Ron.

"You do now!" said Dumbledore as he reached under his desk and handed Harry and Ron their gifts. "Best not let Snape see these until _after _the school year."

"Hey! Don't I get a punishment too?" asked Hermione.

"Oh yeah. You can have Harry and Ron's detentions."

"What?! Why don't _I _get cool things?"

"You said so your self that you didn't have anything to do with it. And Snape would be suspicious if those school awards didn't get polished."

"But-"

"Thank you, and have a good day. And don't forget to floss."

Snape walked back in. "Have they been thoroughly punished?"

"Oh yes Severus. Now go to bed you guiltless losers!"

Harry and Ron fake groaned, while Hermione really _did _groan.

* * *

"Welcome to cooking class everyone." said Snape with a renewed jolliness, because he knew that somewhere right now, Harry and Ron were working their fingers raw from polishing trophies. Harry and Ron were actually sitting at the back of the class under the invisibility cloak.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" asked Ron.

"You bet." said Harry.

"...now you must kneed the dough with your hands. Not your knees Headmaster."

"Quite right Severus!"

"Continuing." said Snape. "Now add a bit more flower so that the dough doesn't get too sticky... like Malfoy's."

"Hey!" cried Malfoy.

"Now's our chance." said Ron.

The duo walked over to Malfoy, grabbed his bread dough, and lofted it across the room. The flying dough splattered right into Professor Dumbledore, who then grabbed his dough, and lofted it at Malfoy.

"There will be no throwing of the food in _my _class!" shouted Snape.

It was too late though. A full-scale food fight had broken out.

"MALFOY!!" shouted Snape with a vengeance. "_YOU _STARTED THIS!!!"

"You know what?" asked Malfoy. "I'm sick and tired of everything being my fault! I'm leaving! Let my Dad eat you alive!"

"That's it!" said Snape. "I am tired of teaching this brainless class! I quit!"

Snape stormed out of the room.

"Woo-Hoo!" said Harry and Ron.

Several of the students stood up and started clapping. Harry and Ron took of the invisibility cloak and took a bow.

"That was even better than last time!" said Dumbledore. "But now I'm sorry to say that I won't be able to protect you from Snape's wrath."

"Oh please." said Ron. "Snape has no proof that it was us."

* * *

Snape stormed into the trophy room. "Potter! Wesley!"

"They're not here." said Hermione, who was polishing a Quidditch trophy with a damp rag.

"What are you doing here?" asked Snape. "Shouldn't Harry and Ron be suffering?"

"Yes!" said Hermione angrily. "Talk to Dumbledore about it."

Snape stormed out of the room.

"Does this mean that I can stop now?" asked Hermione.

* * *

Snape stormed back into his office, where everyone was still celebrating.

"POTTER!! WEASLEY!!" cried Snape.

"Uh oh." said Harry. "Time to go!"

Harry spun around and said, "Crack!" but nothing happened. Snape walked up and grabbed Harry and Ron by the ears.

"You are going to have _so _much detention, that your _children _will be starting their first year at Hogwarts when you finally get finished!"

"This is _so _bad!" said Ron.

**The End**


End file.
